Last week, I hit another ‘rock bottom’. I have SUCH a roller-coaster life at the moment – a manic life with epic highs and hideous lows.

It was Sunday, and I was trying to figure out what I could possibly feed my children. My husband was working, the cupboards were empty and I had $1.18 that I had to make last until Tuesday.

I boiled the last 4 eggs (1 each) and made myself a cup of instant coffee (caffeine suppresses hunger, right?).  The 1 year old and 4 year old gobbled down their egg, and asked for more. Blast! I was hoping they could hold out until my husband got home (he was the usual cook, and had more ideas in that department). I cut my egg in half to share between the 2 younger ones. My 9 year old raised an eyebrow at me, ate her egg, then went to read in her bedroom.

THAT was my rock bottom (for last week anyway). THAT was the point where I decided I needed to DO SOMETHING. THAT was my reason for starting this blog…to figure out how I got to this point, and what I need to do to survive.

My husband and I are both working full-time, but we are certainly not earning enough to support our family-of-5. He works in not-for-profit, which means he is paid peanuts. I know it seems really stupid that people who work for charities don’t get paid as much as, well, anyone else…but it’s true.

I have met several people working for several non-government organisations, and they all get paid peanuts. Most of them are barely earning the minimum wage, yet they are STILL trying to support their families, keep a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. They end up doing really crap jobs, with really crap hours, in really crap working conditions TO HELP PEOPLE, yet they are paid next to nothing. I could rant about this issue for hours, but I’m not going to (today). I’m just going to let you know that my husband earns $30,000 a year to support his family-of-5. He often has to work nights, and weekends, and on these occasions, he doesn’t get paid ‘overtime’, he gets paid ‘Time in Lieu’ (another issue which I will rant about another day) so he actually gets paid around $90 a day (in the hand) to support his family-of-5.

I also work full-time, and my children go to daycare/school. Four months ago, I started a new business. We had received a small amount of inheritance money, and was umming and ahhing about whether to put it towards a deposit on a house, or start the business I had been dreaming about for the last decade. We chose the latter, mainly because most of the banks told us that they wouldn’t give us a mortgage until my husband was earning at least twice what he currently was. E.g. he would need to get a ‘higher paying’ job, or I would need to get a job as well…and I thought, if I was going back to work anyway, I might as well work for myself – so, I started the business.

And this is where we currently are, earning next to nothing (while my business is going well, and turning a profit, it’s only been open for 4 months and certainly isn’t earning enough to pay for my childcare costs let alone support my family) and still needing to pay the usual bills.

We don’t drink, we don’t smoke, we don’t do drugs. We are just trying to pay the bills, and have enough food to eat. Here’s how it broke down last week:

Husbands income – $450 (in the hand)
WINZ benefit – $110 (help with Accomodation and childcare)
Working for families tax credits – $270
Total = $830

Spent on:
Rent – $280 (Ugh!!! Some mortgages are cheaper than this!)
Food – $129 (and yet, my cupboards and now empty)
Petrol – $60 (an evil consumption that I NEED to have to support my business, carry the things I need to and from work, and drop children where they need to go. No. A bike or walking WON’T work, and yes, we have tried both.)
Fixing the car – $120 (which, by the way, failed it’s WOF so this was also a necessary evil)
Childcare for Ms 1 – $120 (who’s bill is now up to $600, and this is AFTER the government subsidy has come out)
Childcare for Ms 4 – $120 (who’s bill is now up to $200, again AFTER subsidy)

Leaving me with a grand total of $1.18 in my bank account. So I wonder…how many other New Zealanders are out there, trying to survive? How many of you are working and still don’t have enough food at the end of the day? How many of you purposefully skip breakfast and lunch, so that there is more food for your children?

This isn’t right…and I have no idea how to fix this, but I’m damned if I’m going to starve to death ‘quietly’.

This is MY blog, and I have no idea how it will end…but for now, I will drink more instant coffee, eat less food, avoid going to the doctors (yeah, I’ll save that rant for another day) and see how far that gets me and my family-of-5.